Thursday, June 27, 2013

i know.

i have been struggling for quite some time now.

i even hesitate to put this down in writing
for fear.

fear of judgment.

but, i started this blog as a way of
putting my thoughts down.
so here it goes.

my mother in law is 89 and lives alone, a mile down the road from us.
the hubs and her have decided the best thing for her is:
moving into our single wide in my BACKYARD.

i have been struggling.
the words:
boundaries & privacy are my constant thoughts.

i know.
i know, that there are many, many families
who move their elderly parent into their homes.

i know.
i know, that this is temporary.

i know.
i know, i should treasure these last few years.

i know.
i know, i should be practicing compassion

i know.
i know, i should be showing more empathy.

i know.
that it shouldn't be such a struggle.

but, that sad truth is;
it IS a struggle-
it is a struggle for me.

in a way, i feel like a hypocrite.
that i am not walking my talk.
and that hurts me down deep
to my core.

i also know how i feel.

like my back is to a wall.
that all my choices have been taken away from me.
and that my voice is not being heard.

i know.
i know, that this sounds whiney and ugly
and not like the christian woman
that i profess to be.
which leads me to this;

i am torn and in need of prayer.

i prayed today for transition.
for the patience to deal with this transition.
that my husband would be able to not only
be thinking about what is best for his mother
but, what is best for us.

& i prayed for
a softening of my heart; a change of attitude.

i have been in prayer
and in the word.

today i found on
christian broadcasting network
this wonderful article and scripture:

Ensuring Your Peace
If you are struggling to find peace, you are not alone. Consider the following scriptural advice to help you find, or regain, that missing peace:
1. Change your focus. The Bible instructs us to fix "our eyes on Jesus, who leads us and makes our faith complete" (Heb. 12:2). As we change our focus -- off of our problems and onto the Lord -- His peace will fill our lives.
2. Change your circumstances. Sometimes it is necessary to take a break from the things that trouble us, even for brief periods of time. Even great men and women of God have at times experienced times of devastating discouragement (1 Kings 19:3-5; 2 Cor. 4:7-10). Try altering your physical setting for a short time. Also, take a close look at your lifestyle. You may be lacking peace simply because you are not following God's pattern for rest.
3. Change your attitude. Are you facing a difficult situation? The Bible says, "Whatever happens, keep thanking God because of Jesus Christ. This is what God wants you to do" (1 Thes. 5:18). Begin to thank God right now and soon you will experience His peace in the midst of the storm.

i am trying to shine & to smile. amidst the changes...
to go with the flow.
to change my attitude.

the hope is there. the love is there.
i am clinging to His peace.




Sweet Tea said...

You are wise to think this decision through very carefully. There isn't a "one size fits all families" answer. I don't know what the health issues are for her but there are options available. I pray God will mak the options obvious and give you peace as you struggle with this. I respect your sincere honesty. Life is just plain hard sometimes. 🌸

Laura Railing said...

I would say two things:

1) maybe have a trial amount of time to see how it goes

2) have a meeting together and lay some very clear rules to establish boundaries, like calling before coming over, or making plans with you.

That would be really hard. I am praying for you all. I totally get where you're coming from. i would be kicking and screaming inside too. It's a hard transition but you can do it!

Linda said...

Feelings are feelings. By facing your fears and your feelings you are one step closer to where you need to be - at peace with yourself. Remember that serenity prayer.....accept what you can't change - change what you can - and the wisdom to know the difference. You have every right to take care of yourself and to have boundaries. Prayers for you from Texas....

mare ball said...

I can relate to this. My folks, 90 and 93, live in an ALF a mile from us. I check on them daily, I am their medical advocate, I feel the responsibility of their well-being. Our lives are on hold for whatever interruptions will come from their needs (and there are a lot of them.) I have struggled too, with having them so much in our life, but God HAS shown me that this is his plan for me right now. I think of all my folks did to raise me, help me, support me. I realize my children are watching how I treat my folks...and will learn from this how to care for me when I need it. I have more peace about this caretaking role than I used to, but it IS a challenge to set your own self aside when needed to serve your parents. It does help to remember that this is just for a season. It's not for long, really. I don't want to have any regrets later. But, know that you are not alone in your thoughts about losing some of your own "life." God bless you!

Ceil said...

Hi Melody! I can relate to your dilemma. We hired a 24/7 care worker for my mother in law, and had a 'talk' with my Dad about where he was going to live after my Mom died.

I did not have to take in a parent, but the idea of it really challenged me. It will be a huge change, but it might be a really good one too. Give it some time to see how it works out. God will show you what to do.

I will pray for you my dear blog friend.

Peace in Christ,

Robyn Burke said...

You have been in my prayers since we talked... and I love you my dear dear friend. We all want to be heard, to be validated and acknowledged. I am thinking that until this happens it may be a constant battle to surrender the feelings you have. But if the validation and acknowledgement does not come... what then? You are taking it to a Higher level by talking to God. Sometimes we may be called to surrender regardless of what the other person does or does not do.... does that make sense? I will be continuing to pray for your peace and acceptance, that you can do it with grace. As you said the other day, you know it's happening, you can't change it. All you can change it how you respond to it. Again I pray for extra grace in your response. Hugs. (call me if you wanna talk some more!!)

Mama Ds Dozen said...

Love you, sweet friend.

Love your transparency.

Praying for you to have His peace in the midst of this.

Thanks for your sweet note today. So needed to hear from a friend, as I continue to walk through HARD stuff.

Filled with JOY for you, as you were BLESSED with such a special time with your daughter this weekend.


Laurel :)

Outside Looking In said...

Praying for you and hoping that things are going well. Peace to you!