i know.

i have been struggling for quite some time now.

i even hesitate to put this down in writing
for fear.

fear of judgment.

but, i started this blog as a way of
putting my thoughts down.
so here it goes.

my mother in law is 89 and lives alone, a mile down the road from us.
the hubs and her have decided the best thing for her is:
moving into our single wide in my BACKYARD.

i have been struggling.
the words:
boundaries & privacy are my constant thoughts.

i know.
i know, that there are many, many families
who move their elderly parent into their homes.

i know.
i know, that this is temporary.

i know.
i know, i should treasure these last few years.

i know.
i know, i should be practicing compassion

i know.
i know, i should be showing more empathy.

i know.
that it shouldn't be such a struggle.

but, that sad truth is;
it IS a struggle-
it is a struggle for me.

in a way, i feel like a hypocrite.
that i am not walking my talk.
and that hurts me down deep
to my core.

i also know how i feel.

like my back is to a wall.
that all my choices have been taken away from me.
and that my voice is not being heard.

i know.
i know, that this sounds whiney and ugly
and not like the christian woman
that i profess to be.
which leads me to this;

i am torn and in need of prayer.

i prayed today for transition.
for the patience to deal with this transition.
that my husband would be able to not only
be thinking about what is best for his mother
but, what is best for us.

& i prayed for
a softening of my heart; a change of attitude.

i have been in prayer
and in the word.

today i found on
christian broadcasting network
this wonderful article and scripture:

Ensuring Your Peace

If you are struggling to find peace, you are not alone. Consider the following scriptural advice to help you find, or regain, that missing peace:

1. Change your focus. The Bible instructs us to fix "our eyes on Jesus, who leads us and makes our faith complete" (Heb. 12:2). As we change our focus -- off of our problems and onto the Lord -- His peace will fill our lives.

2. Change your circumstances. Sometimes it is necessary to take a break from the things that trouble us, even for brief periods of time. Even great men and women of God have at times experienced times of devastating discouragement (1 Kings 19:3-5; 2 Cor. 4:7-10). Try altering your physical setting for a short time. Also, take a close look at your lifestyle. You may be lacking peace simply because you are not following God's pattern for rest.

3. Change your attitude. Are you facing a difficult situation? The Bible says, "Whatever happens, keep thanking God because of Jesus Christ. This is what God wants you to do" (1 Thes. 5:18). Begin to thank God right now and soon you will experience His peace in the midst of the storm.

i am trying to shine & to smile. amidst the changes...
to go with the flow.
to change my attitude.

the hope is there. the love is there.
i am clinging to His peace.



always,